Midterm Report Card

by | May 19, 2014, 11:21am 0

With some of the AUDL season done, I decided to check in some of the current players and see what they thing.

The fact that Mac Taylor’s MLU team has a worse record than my AUDL team is fabulous. It’s too bad the rest of the Dogfish players have to suffer as well, but that’s why they call it collateral damage.

Speaking of losing, the Spiders just got roasted like chestnuts over the open fire, the smell of burned spider legs lingers in the air and the web now hangs in a state of disarray. The game against the San Francisco Flamers was well attended with people loudly booing the ref for a bad call which means we are now one step closer to being a real sport. I won’t dwell too much on the loss, since there is nothing that can be done except to talk more trash when our next confrontation approaches. That being said, losing did make me realize I should fix my hamstring issue that has been bothering me for a few months now. Taking time off for me is possibly the worst punishment ever. I hope you’re happy Flamers, you have forced me to get healthy. I hate being healthy because then I have no excuse if I lose.

I will now give opinions from people on the flamers and on Spiders, to protect them, their identities have been confiscated. Also, so you can’t tell by sentence structure, the wording has been slightly changed, because we all know valley girl Ashlin uses the word “like” more than a sea turtle lays eggs, so it would be too easy to spot otherwise.

So, random unidentified players who play in the AUDL, what do you think of the level of competition?

“Worse than the MLU and far worse than the USAU. If they want the league to succeed, they have to bring in better players. They can’t have teams like Salt Lake City be so bad.”

What do you think the AUDL should do then?

“They need to bring in markets that have good players. Denver, Texas, places that can put together a good team. Honestly, I hope that the AUDL takes all the good players from USAU; the AUDL treats its players with more respect.”

Any other areas the AUDL needs improvement.

“The refs. In the MLU the refs were not an issue, I think the refs are affecting the game to much. I understand this is the first season so they are just getting a feel for the game but come on, sometimes they don’t even know the rules.”

How about something positive about the AUDL?

“The team being owned by someone we can talk to is real nice, changes we want happen quickly and it’s a lucid process to get things done.”

“I like the disc being the same as USAU.”

“The end of quarters is fun when each team tries to huck crazy throws.”

“It’s fun to have an audience filled with non frisbee people, they think every layout is sweet no matter how mundane.”

Any final thoughts on anything?

“I am interested to see how USAU responds to this. I mean, playing USAU is so expensive and even if you play on one of the best teams they still don’t help…. why do they call it Pro Flight? If the AUDL keeps getting better I am for sure going to prefer playing high level without going into debt to do it.”

“Yeah, really the only thing USAU has going for it is that the quality of ultimate is the best. I also think we are seeing some of the teams in the AUDL abusing the new refs. When we played Seattle, they would constantly abuse the rules. They also had refs that were very experienced, so the combination of the two led to some frustrating experiences. I hope this is not something that is continued. Maybe it is because they are young players or have never played high level where SOTG is required, but every time they fouled somebody they would say hey the ref didn’t call it. On the other hand, the two bay teams have been playing with decent spirit. I don’t want teams to adopt the flopping and cheap fouling of the NBA Spurs.”

“I still think Revolver is where my heart lies, but this has been a lot of fun so far and playing only one game a day is something I could get used to.”

Thanks unknown players, for your contributions, now lets turn to myself and see what I have to say.

It was interesting to hear players talk about the AUDL taking over as the best place to play, I never thought I would hear that. The stone cold grip that USAU has on ultimate is not as strong or as rigid as I initially thought. I also am very happy with owner of the Spiders, Andrew Zill. He has relentlessly pushed our sport forward at every opportunity, and his quirky energy and euphoric enthusiasm reminds me of a nerdier, kinder version of Mark Cuban. He has also shown me why owners should not be allowed on the sidelines during games. I love you Zill, but we are going to have to get you a padded owners box so we can keep your unbridled energy contained at safe distance away from our players.

Also, as I sometimes scoop into other blogs on Skyd, I see that gender equality seems to be a hot topic at the moment. Well funny enough, Mr. Zill is ahead of his time and has been trying since the beginning of our season to set up a woman’s showcase game done in the same way as the AUDL Spiders game. To not show favoritism, the game will use observers that use AUDL rules and they will play on a field that is AUDL length but USAU wide. Ah, politics, how I love thy sweet, constantly supple smell. Because my voice could turn beef into butter I have offered to announce the game. Whether they will be foolish enough to accept is yet to be seen. To add one last shake of spice, I overheard the two teams might be decided by a Bay Area draft. More cutting edge details will be provided once the girl who I have wiretapped goes back undercover.

In conclusion I would say that I am glad that the AUDL is putting forth a strong proposal to win the heart of the ultimate community alongside the MLU and USAU. Competition makes all heart involved grow stronger.  If it works in open relationships, it will work in ultimate.


The winner of random question is Elliott, with the proposal of me jumping under someone. I will try it out on Kanner that way if he gets hurt I won’t feel bad. Please contact Neeley at neeley@skydmagazine.com for your prize.

This blogs question is: If you could change or add one thing in the AUDL what would it be? Besides better players and more teams. The best answer will be chosen and addressed by the commissioner of the AUDL in my next blog.

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